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Like many Americans, and citizens of the world, I am genuinely bewildered by the election of Donald Trump as the forty-fifth President of the United States. Even writing the words still feels like a bit of dystopian fiction. I’m disappointed, angry, scared, – a tense collection of emotions I’m still wading, and hopefully working, through. Unlike the election of George W. Bush in 2000 – where, like now, the Democrat actually won the popular vote (small consolation, that, unfortunately), I don’t just feel disappointed and annoyed. I feel genuinely terrified.

Hillary_Clinton_(24266562219).jpgI’ll be real – I really, really wanted Hillary Clinton to be President of the United States, and that’s not a new feeling. I lived through the 1990s – granted I was a child, but I still remember them, and thinking then that times were good. As a child, it was simply a fact that Bill Clinton was president. It was an immutable fact, not a transitory one. The capital was Washington D.C. and Bill Clinton was the President. On Tuesday evening, I felt much the same way as the returns came in. While Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had both run for the office, it was, to my mind another immutable fact that Hillary Clinton would be the next President of the United States. Hillary would be President, and she would continue the progressive, supportive work of President Obama. That’s what any rational person would want, and I had to believe there were more good people in America than narrow-minded ones.

We have seen so much progress under President Obama that I never thought would happen – the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and marriage equality, to name but a few that, as an LGBT American struck particularly close to home.

Separately, Clinton’s plans to reduce the cost of higher education, and to work to reduce the burden on those already working to repay their student loans, had me truly hopeful. I wanted that – no, I needed that. Repaying those loans is not a minor inconvenience; it is an almost insurmountable wall, a decades long sentence of indentured servitude to the US government, and a private loan company. Of course, if I could go back, I might do a few things differently as a naive 18-year-old entering college – I mean, would some loan counseling have gone amiss?! But on the whole, honestly, I wouldn’t. Given the butterfly effect, any change might cost me my past experiences and my present happinesses. I’m well aware I chose to complete my postgraduate degree abroad – but as I still live abroad, and now have in-laws out of the deal, I’d struggle to change any of that. However, a President Clinton, with the help of Bernie Sanders, no doubt, would have worked to make that repayment more manageable, or even, frankly, manageable.

A President Hillary Clinton would have fostered, as she was fond of saying, an “open, big-hearted America” instead of the divisive, hate-mongering America we have already seen start to rear its head in the last few days. I wanted Hillary Clinton to be President because I honestly believe in her message. I believe we are stronger together; that everyone regardless of his or her gender, religion, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, or documented status, deserves a fair chance in America. I strongly believe we should be working to help immigrants, “legal” or not, to lawfully integrate into American society. America should recognize what such immigrants are running from, and help to right the wrongs in the world, rather than blaming its victims. We should acknowledge and accept that Latino Americans, and specifically Mexican Americans have been part of the fabric of America from the very beginning – after all, much of what is now the southwest of the United States was once part of Mexico. You can’t blame a people when you move the imaginary line that demarcates countries. We should not see their presence in America as a threat – but rather an enrichment of the nation to be embraced and celebrated. Yes, given the current state of American society, all people living in the United States should have a functional knowledge of English – but given the ever-changing make up of the country, and the fact that some sixty million Americans speak Spanish at home – is it not also reasonable that everyone might also benefit from at least a passing knowledge of Spanish as well?

Under President Obama, with all of the progress that had been made on behalf of gay and lesbian Americans, we were just starting to see a conversation begin on the challenges faced, and rights denied, to our fellow transgendered Americans. Under President Clinton, undoubtedly, that conversation would have continued, and education and awareness could have grown. Under Trump, I fear it will vanish. We have already seen reports of anti-LGBT attacks taking place in Donald Trump’s name – and a week has yet to pass.

I grew up in the Midwest – Indiana. You can’t get more conservative than Indiana, truly. This is the same state with the Governor, now Vice-President Elect who truly believes in conversion therapy – and shock therapy, for LGBT Americans. Indiana is a state where men are “men” and women are “women,” and God help you if you don’t conform. Trust me, I know; I grew up there. This rigid attitude is everywhere, and makes anyone who doesn’t conform feel terrible. This thinking could now take over great swaths of the country – if it hasn’t already. I remember being taunted so many days as school, being called “faggot,” having food, often wet food, thrown at me, or being told I’d be “the next Matthew Shepard.” Is it any wonder I left the United States as soon as undergrad ended?

With the reality of President Obama, and the fervent belief, almost certainty, of a second President Clinton, I had hoped that moments like those I had experienced would soon enough become something very much of the past. Yet, now, I, nor anyone else, can have that certainty. A gentle optimism in my country has been replaced by a cesspool of fear. It’s like the floor has dropped out, and the crocodiles are waiting below.

Now, instead of the hope of having the single most qualified woman, no, person, ever to run for the office as President of the United States, we will soon enough have Donald Trump. Donald Trump has never held elected office, and has made a name for himself (politically) as the strongest proponent of the “birther movement,” calling into question the citizenship, and legitimacy of our first African American president. In the midst of his campaign he has called Mexicans rapists, called for a ban on all Muslims entering the United States, been found to openly endorse sexually assaulting women, openly mocked the disabled, and even been found on tape to openly express the desire to have sex with his own daughter.

I get it, to one degree or another – there are many people who just don’t like Hillary Clinton. She’s not a warm and cuddly woman. She openly said, as early as 1992, “I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life” in response to a reporters question. She was not a traditional First Lady, for she is not a traditional woman. She has always been an independent woman with her own drive and ideas. How terrible. We should admire her for that, fiercely, for going after what she believed in, every step of the way. For trying to reform health care while First Lady, for supporting first responders after September 11th, for putting to rights America’s image around the world as Secretary of State during President Obama’s first term – after George W. Bush and his administration led the country into a recession, and decimated its international image.

I admire her for standing up and speaking the truth, even when it wasn’t popular, for saying, proudly that “human rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights,” and two decades later expanding that at the UN to say “Gay rights are human rights” as well. And beyond that, I feel a great triumph in the history of the rights of women in world history has been ripped away. Instead of breaking through the glass ceiling, Hillary Clinton has instead been ripped to shreds by it, leaving only a misogynistic, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, bigot in her place.

I weep for the future that could have been, and I weep for the people who will now suffer, myself included, because of it. Yet, if there is any good news out of this, it is that Hillary Clinton actually won. More Americans spoke up for her vision of America, than that infested with fear and hatred perpetuated by Donald Trump. It is only through the machinations of the Electoral College, a technicality, that Trump will take the White House. A technicality that will cost the world dearly. There will come another day to fight, to pick up Hillary’s baton and run with it. For now, give me a moment. For right now, I’m angry. I’m angry with the young people who showed up for Obama, but couldn’t be bothered for Hillary. I’m angry at those on the far left who believed so fervently in Bernie Sanders that they couldn’t bring themselves to be rational and vote for Hillary and instead voted for a third party candidate, costing her the election, and installing Donald Trump in the White House. I’m sad, but more than anything, I’m angry. Don’t ask me to get over it anytime soon. I won’t, and maybe that’s a good thing, because I’m an American with a voice, and after watching Hillary, and America, lose by the slimmest of margins, I’m now not afraid to use it.

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This past Saturday, after well over a year of anticipation, I had the pleasure to experience the Victoria and Albert Museum’s new exhibition, ‘Hollywood Costume.’ I was far from disappointed.

The exhibition, with over 130 costumes on display is, simply, a beautiful love letter to Hollywood, and the role of the costume designer in its history. The exhibition is comprised of three sections, or ‘acts.’ ‘Deconstruction,’ strives to examine the role of the designer in researching characters to know who they are, and how they should be presented, while ‘Dialogue,’ explains the collaborative process between the designer and director to bring the character to life. The third gallery, ‘Finale,’ is the culmination of these processes, exhibiting those costumes that have become, simply, part of the ether of popular culture.

Walking into the exhibition, you’re confronted by a cinema screen as wide as the exhibition room itself, showing short film clips, each focusing on a costume piece in the collection, with a sweeping score seducing you into the darkened cinematic galleries. Indiana Jones, Dorothy Gale, Mildred Piece, Scarlett O’Hara (and others) appear in quick succession. As someone absolutely enamored of film costumes (none more so than a certain pair of little red shoes), I’d been excited for this day ever since an announcement of the exhibition had appeared in the auction catalog for the sale of Debbie Reynolds collection in the summer of 2011. I thought it would be an amazing day, looking at all these fantastic works of art. But, I wasn’t prepared for what they would make me feel.

Turning the first corner into the exhibition, I was confronted by Scarlett O’Hara’s (Vivien Leigh) iconic green velvet curtain dress from Gone with the Wind, and I was instantly in tears, near sobbing. I’m, admittedly, an emotional person, but this felt like a punch to the stomach, and I surprised even myself. I expected the most memorable pieces to be in the exhibition’s final act. Seeing one of my favorite pieces right away was outright shocking. I stood there for a moment to catch my bearings, when I realized the pieces are not surrounded by glass, they are open to the viewer, which only added to all the pieces’ impact.

But, the first gallery holds many gems, Queen Christina (Greta Garbo), Marie Antoinette (Norma Shearer), Queen Elizabeth (Bette Davis) in The Virgin Queen, the Tramp (Charlie Chaplin) in Circus, and Lady Maria Barker (Marline Dietrich) in Angel, in a sea of more contemporary pieces.

Now, I acknowledge, every piece has a story; each is the result of a great deal of collaborative work, to discover what best suits the character, the story, and the mise-en-scène. But modern American cinema, on the whole, doesn’t speak to me in the same way Classical Hollywood does. So, I’m partial from the start.

Throughout the exhibition, rather than simply lifeless garments on forms, an effort is made to pose and display the figures in such a way to evoke the actor and character they once dressed. Also, an inventive use of screens and projections furthers the illusion of embodiment, combining the forms with theatrically-inspired lighting and an original score, giving one the sense, that you are within some of Hollywood’s most memorable films.

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In the second part of the exhibition, ‘Dialogue,’ interviews between three different directors (Tim Burton, Martin Scorsese, and Alfred Hitchcock) and their costume designers (Colleen Atwood, Sandy Powell, and Edith Head) play, to demonstrate the collaborative nature of bringing the characters to life. Also featured in the same gallery is a section of costumes from Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro, both of whom take a heavy hand in the creation of their respective characters. Included here were also Scarlett O’Hara’s feathered red dress, Darth Vader, Joan Crawford’s red bugle beaded gown from The Bride Wore Red, and Hedy Lamarr’s green peacock dress from DeMille’s Samson and Deliah, among several others. Included with each costume throughout the exhibition was a short explanation from the director, producer, costume designer, or actor, explaining the motivations behind each piece, offering a glimpse of its individual creation story.

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In the third gallery, ‘Finale,’ (being me) my eyes immediately searched the room for Dorothy, and finding her, I wanted to rush by everything else just to get there. (Regardless of the fact I just viewed another of the Oz pinafores just a few weeks ago.) But, as my partner aptly said, ‘[W]e have some old friends here to visit first,’ and that surmises how many of us see these characters. As curator Deborah Landis has said, ‘No costume designer sets out to create an icon,’ but when the characters become so beloved by the public, their costumes become iconic in their own right. Costume design, as she is at pains to demonstrate throughout the exhibition, is never about the clothes. It’s about the characters and their stories, and how those stories resonate with us. In short, it’s about the magic of the movies.

ImageAs a child, I loved nothing more than to sit down with a Classical Hollywood film, and many I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve seen dozens of times. So, for me, they really did feel something like old friends and, to see the clothes many of those characters in my imagination wore, well, it touched me deeply. For those who love movies, we carry those characters, and their stories, with us, and, thankfully for us, we can visit them whenever we wish.

The collection Landis has put together, to her immense credit, couldn’t be much more impressive. Populating the last room were, a cavalcade of my favorite characters. Among them were, Eliza Dolittle and Professor Henry Higgins (Audrey Hepburn and Rex Harrison) from My Fair Lady,  Tracy Lord (Katherine Hepburn) from The Philadelphia Story, Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn) from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Amy Jolly (Marlene Dietrich) from Morocco,  Fanny Brice from Funny Girl and Dolly Levi from Hello Dolly! (both Barbra Streisand), Rose DeWitt Bukater and Jack Dawson (Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio) from Titanic, Sugar Kane Kowalczyk from Some Like It Hot and The Girl from The Seven Year Itch (both Marilyn Monroe) and finally Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) from The Wizard of Oz.

While the lighting made details of some garments difficult to see, and the positioning of others made a clear view impossible (this was particularly the case with the Titanic pieces), the exhibition is, without a shred of doubt, an embarrassment of riches.

But, for me, nothing could ever beat the very last few pieces. Turning that last corner, there sat, Dorothy’s pinafore and, nearby, in their small case, the ruby slippers. Yes, I saw one of the pinafores around two weeks ago, and another pair of the slippers just under a year ago, and having studied them for years now, I really do know just about every detail of every pair in existence. But standing in front of them all over again, pointing out the tiniest details of their construction and condition, it couldn’t matter less. For these are special; they are the slippers that took Dorothy home, and standing there with them again, I’m left with the sheer magic of the film, and my love of Hollywood, and, just maybe, the desire to be part of it.

Which, isn’t that the point of the exhibition itself, anyway?

This past weekend, I watched the video, via YouTube of the West Coast premiere of Dustin Lance Black’s new play about Proposition 8 and the fight for marriage equality in California, 8. Using the transcripts from the trial Perry v. Schwarzenegger, along with first-hand observations of the courtroom drama and interviews with the plaintiffs and their families, the play reconstructs the trial which struck down Proposition 8, a 2008 California ballot initiative that amended the state constitution to restrict marriage to opposite-sex couples, finding it unconstitutional.

Now, I wasn’t sure what to expect; a play based on a trial, even a trial with personal significance for me, seemed to have the possibility of being cryptic and potentially boring. Yet, using the actual words of the litigants, and their families, legal counsel, and other witnesses, you find, a revealing examination of what happened when the issue of same-sex marriage was put on trial. But, I’m not here to talk about the play; for that, I invite you to seek out the many reviews and opinion pieces that I’m sure have been written to its credit. I want to talk about, well, what this whole thing means to me.

Looking back, ‘same-sex marriage’ initially seemed to me like this thing thrown around and discussed among various friends of mine during my undergraduate education, a concept more than a potential reality. I suppose, at the time, it didn’t seem to matter much to me. I wasn’t remotely close to considering marrying anyone then, after all. I figured it was something that would happen in due course, and once it did I would take advantage of the opportunity if I ever felt the desire.

Growing up in Indiana, it wasn’t something I saw (remotely) as a possibility in my immediate surroundings, so I just put it on the theoretical back-burner and left it there. After all, I was a young American living in a country that only (at the time) had same-sex marriage in select pockets. It was, and largely still is, the exception rather than the rule. Besides, if I met someone, they would be American too, so what would it matter, really, if we were married or not?

Well, here I am a few years later, and, at 25, it matters a great deal to me. I left Indiana, and the United States, after undergrad, to pursue a master’s degree at the University of Sussex and, much to my surprise, I met someone who has become, quite simply, my favorite person in the world. More than that, Juan is the person who makes me laugh, and opens my eyes, who teaches me more than I ever realized I didn’t know, who listens to my incessant rambling about what I care for most, and makes me feel wonderfully special, every day, just for being myself. He is someone with whom I can’t go a few hours without speaking, if only to say ‘I love you,’ and after two and a half years together, we have built a simple, but wonderful, life together, full of books, old movies, and long drawn out discussions. It is everything I could ever hope for.

The only problem is… I miss home. Well, not the place. Indiana is not the most alluring locale in the world. I miss my family, and I want to be closer to them, if only a much shorter plane flight away.

I want to be nearer to my parents and my grandmother and my siblings and actually be a part of their lives again. But, because of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, it’s simply not an option. DOMA, as federal law, explicitly defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman, allowing the government to refuse a green-card to any non-American same-sex spouse within a bi-national couple, while also excusing states that do not practice same-sex marriage from acknowledging those performed in other states, among other exceptions.

Because of DOMA, I’m outright barred the liberty of having both my family of birth, and the family I have created, together. I must, as President Obama has said, ‘choose between the person [I] love and the country [I] call home,’ and that is far from fair, or just. Indeed, the President himself, along with a string of courts have deemed the law unconstitutional, and it is high time it be stripped from the law.

As an American, I could get on a plane tomorrow and return to the United States, but I would be forced to leave him behind; that would utterly break my heart and ruin my life. We could get married here (or more precisely ‘civil partnered,’ which sounds about as romantic, to me, as a business venture) but even that union wouldn’t matter one iota to the US government. It wouldn’t register; it wouldn’t exist. Alternatively, we could get on a plane tomorrow, fly to New York (or any of the increasing number of other states which allow same-sex marriages that don’t require residency) and get married there. However, again, because of DOMA, while an individual state would recognize that union, the federal government, and therefore the authorities responsible for immigration, would not, so I would be denied a green card application, were I to make one (and I most certainly would), on his behalf.

But you know, I really don’t think I should need to contemplate suing the US government for something that seems so elemental, so very basic to the fabric of my humanity. I have met someone I love and with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, therefore, I should have the right to marry him, and file paperwork to permit him to reside, and work, in my home country with me. Why should it matter if I love a man or a woman? You may or may not agree with it, but gay people exist, and we love the same as anyone else.  We should have the right not to be separated from those we love, period. To think otherwise is downright inhumane!

Some conservatives have argued that allowing gay people to marry would ruin the ‘sanctity’ of marriage. Personally, I think plenty of straight people do that well enough by themselves. But, they must also realize that marriage as it exists for many people, is already divorced from any form of religious significance. It is a legal contract, a civil institution, granting two people certain rights, responsibilities, and liberties. Whether or not those two people, or their families, want to attach a religious significance to that union, is entirely separate and independent of the legal document, and any ‘sanctity’ of that union is to be determined by the two people within that union, no one else.

I simply want, someday soon, to live in the country in which I was born, with both my biological family, and the family I have created. Isn’t that my right?

Today, a pair of the ruby slippers will be sold at auction. Not just any pair, but those worn by Judy Garland when Glinda magics them off the Wicked Witch of the East’s feet and proclaims, ‘There they are, and there they’ll stay,’ they are the most pristine, and best made, of the five pairs known to exist from the production, and the the only pair to not have felt adhered to the forward foundation. They are in excellent condition but not untouched by time.

As an ardent fan of the film, Judy Garland, and the slippers themselves, I’ve revelled in the release of new photographs of the slippers in the past few months, along with the opportunity, due to the slipper’s short tour to Solange Azagury-Partridge stores in Los Angeles, London, and New York, to see the slippers for myself.

But, while I’m excited by these prospects, and immensely glad to have had the opportunity to stare at them myself for over three hours in London, the idea of the auction still leaves me feeling quite sad indeed. These shoes are iconic, in the truest sense. They have been said to be the single most valuable piece of Hollywood memorabilia in the world, and regarding sheer dollars and cents, that may well be true. But to me, they’re more.

The ruby slippers would be as valuable to me, if they had no monetary value at all, and as a pair of shoes, they very really don’t. After all, after 72 years, no human being could ever wear them again. Placing them on a human foot would very likely destroy them. Their value is in their connection; not in what they are, but in what they mean.

Entering Solange in London a few weeks ago, I was immediately struck dumb by the slippers, resting silently in a glass case, in the middle of the small boutique. Staring at them for only a moment, I had a flash of everything they mean to me, of memories of sitting in front of the television, of endless hours reading about every detail of the production, and even of (yes) running around in a glittery pair of red shoes as a child. But more than that, standing in their presence, knowing what they are, and who wore them, I felt like I was in the presence of some small part of Judy Garland’s legacy, almost as if, in some small way, she was there, and I almost began to cry.

Steve Wilson, the curator for the film collection at the Harry Ransom Center at the University of Texas in Austin, which holds in its collection five of the gowns originally worn by Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind, has said ‘[T]here’s nothing that captures the human aspect of film like a costume does,’ and that is exactly what I experienced with the slippers. It was that moment of realization that the stories of the creation of The Wizard of Oz, Production 1060, are not just stories. This seems self-evident, of course, but I wasn’t alive then, so, for me, it only felt like a series of tales, rehashed over the years.

But rooted to that spot, staring at those shoes, I realized the filmmaking really happened, and Judy Garland really wore them. Of course, no one placed any value in the shoes then (they cost perhaps $13 at the time) and after the production they were placed in the loft of a barn on the MGM backlot, where they rested, largely forgotten, for thirty years, until costumer Kent Warner rediscovered them in 1970, and took them home. They were the pride and joy of his collection, as, like me, a fan of Judy Garland, and Classic Hollywood, until he was forced to sale them due to his own failing health.

But the slippers are not just valuable because Judy wore them; after all, her other costume pieces have sold for much less than the slippers will realize. They are valuable because they are the main plot device in perhaps the most beloved film in the world, seen by more people than any other. Their value is about us, about those of us who saw Oz as children, and still hold it close to our hearts. For others, they are nothing but a pair of gaudy shoes; for us, they hold a very real magic.

The shoes are not just, as so many have said, an abstract symbol of home, or fantasy, or family.  They are a very real symbol, of our own attachment to our own memories of Oz, of our own pasts. For me, that’s my childhood, entwined in Oz as it were; being the Wicked Witch for Halloween, watching the film when I was recovering from heart surgery at the age of five, or receiving an Oz snow globe nearly every Christmas of my life.

The slippers are valuable to me because, in a very real way, they are part of my childhood, they are part of my life, they are part of me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that sentiment, because our popular culture becomes a very real part of our lives and our identities, which explains why they are so valuable, in so many ways, to so many people.

So, the idea that they will be sold, to the highest bidder, reduced to monetary value, breaks my heart a little. I realize we live in a capitalist society, and that’s just the way it works, but I’ve genuinely shed tears over the fact I can’t have them, save them, protect them. I want more than anything, to see the slippers in a museum. If whomever wins the slippers today should ever read this, please know, what you possess is not just a relic of Hollywood history; you own a symbol of a very real part of many people’s lives, and they want, if not deserve, to see them.

My greatest fear with the auction is not simply that they will be sold, but that, after today, they will seemingly disappear. Now, it’s not fair to say that they’ve always been on display. Kent Warner never displayed them publicly, and their most recent owner only did so intermittently, but I always knew who owned them, and had some idea where they were.  After today, like Michael Shaw’s stolen pair, they will quite possibly disappear from public consciousness for years, if not forever.

I hope I’m wrong, I hope with all my heart I’m wrong.

If you’re the lucky winner of the slippers, please prove me wrong. Display them for the public. Let them see them; let them love them. At the very least, please email me, if only so I’ll know they’re safe.

Anyone who knows me, even remotely, is well aware I’m quite excited for this Tuesday, 1 March, as it is the official opening night performance of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s new production of The Wizard of Oz at the London Palladium, and I will be in attendance!

The show has been, publicly, in development since the announcement of Lord Lloyd Webber’s then upcoming search for a new performer to take on the iconic role of Dorothy, as early as 2009, with the BBC program ‘Over the Rainbow’ running on BBC One from March to May, 2010.

Having not seen How to Solve a Problem Like Maria?, Any Dream Will Do, nor I’d Do Anything (Lord Lloyd Webber’s search for actors to play Maria, Joseph, and Nancy, respectively) my expectations, and hopes, for such a program, were mixed, if not outright pessimistic.

After all, Judy Garland is Dorothy, and to imagine anyone else playing the part was simply unthinkable, and for a moment, I wished for the failure of the project in total. How dare they even attempt to find a Dorothy?!

Interestingly, I had the same reaction (to a lesser extent) when the announcement of a musical version of Wicked surfaced. Gregory Maguire’s original revisionist novel is of a tone much darker than the musical, so I had little hope for it, and even actively avoided it for a few years, before rediscovering it quite by accident. My eventual love of the musical version of Wicked gives me hope the same may be true for this new version of The Wizard of Oz.

But, let’s be clear here; this is The Wizard of Oz. I’ve adored everything related to Oz (the books, the film, etc) and particularly Judy Garland, since I was five years old. I know the film’s screenplay by heart and every lyric to every song – even those cut from the final film! Even now, (being without a job and waiting for the Home Office to send me my UK work visa), I spend a great deal of each week day working on replicating Judy Garland’s ruby slippers, exactly as they actually appear today. So, I’m just a little picky.

However, even back in March 2010, I felt, if there were a person who could bring Oz to the stage, it was Lord Lloyd Webber. While he has never been a critic’s darling; his shows are, after all, accessible and popular, (How dare he!) he did nevertheless, bring the world Evita, Cats, and, of course, The Phantom of the Opera, among others, all musicals which I’ve admittedly enjoyed on stage, particularly Phantom, which I’ve seen many times over. While his recent work on the Phantom sequel, Love Never Dies, caused some initial concern; seeing it in its first few months, as much as I wanted to like it, I simply couldn’t; he has since rewritten much of the show, to eventual critical approval, if not acclaim. (I’m keen to see it again to reevaluate the show.)

So, when Over the Rainbow began in late March 2010, despite Lord Lloyd Webber’s directives that he wanted potential Dorothys to effectively wipe away the image of Judy Garland, to bring something fresh and original to the role, I nevertheless found myself looking for Garland in the contestants, which left me, initially, hoping for Dani Rayner to win, because she was 16, and bore a slight resemblance to the screen legend.

Once she was (rightfully) eliminated, in Week 3, when posed against the eventual winner, Danielle Hope, in a sing off of ‘Maybe This Time’ from Cabaret, I was irritated, as I was judging the girls not on their singing/dancing/acting abilities, but rather on their resemblance to Garland. (I was being petty – I got over it.)

After Dani’s elimination, I briefly backed Lauren Samuels to be Dorothy, but, while I found her voice extremely talented, she rubbed me (and much of the audience, it seems) the wrong way, coming off as either overconfident or arrogant, neither qualities one would want in a Dorothy. This, in my opinion, was particularly clear in Week 5 when Lauren sang ‘The Man That Got Away,’ a song, not insignificantly, originated by Judy Garland in A Star is Born, and meant for a somewhat older, and sexually experienced, woman.  While I don’t know who chose the song, it was a bad choice, making Samuels seem even more big-headed, taking on a Garland standard far beyond her years.

This same week, Danielle Hope sang ‘Mambo Italiano,’ the number many feel became not only the number of the night, but that most remembered from the series as a whole. It quickly won me over, showing not only Hope’s formidable vocal talents, but equally her dancing abilities, and her real sense of fun, a trait Judy Garland herself possessed, and endeared her to those who knew her. Danielle, I realized that night, possesses many of the traits that made Judy Garland Dorothy.


For the remainder of the competition, I actively endorsed Danielle to be Dorothy, particularly enjoying her renditions of ‘On My Own’ (From Les Miserables), ‘Popular’ (From Wicked – with Lauren), and ‘Seventy Six Trombones’ (From The Music Man). By the final week of the program, I was thrilled to see Danielle win the competition, and the role of Dorothy.

Since May, 2010, there has been a small steady stream of information about the new production, but nothing more than slight tidbits, rehearsal photos, and behind the scenes video blogs, which, clearly, are always careful never to reveal too much, and never show much of the state of the Palladium stage. To do so, obviously, would be to reveal quite a lot, and the producers obviously want to entice the public as much as possible to come and see the show.

We do know, however, that Lord Lloyd Webber has re-teamed with his Evita lyricist, Tim Rice, to compose new numbers for the production, to accompany those written for the film by Harold Arlen and E. Y. ‘Yip’ Harburg, the results of which I’m quite anxious to hear!

I have never been one for going in search of spoilers, anyway. I quite enjoy the thrill of letting the theatrical experience unfold before me with my having quite little knowledge of it. I certainly wasn’t aware of the plot twists when I saw Wicked, and I’ve heard there are a few in Oz as well, even for those of us who know the film inside out. From the video blogs the production has released, I sense there is a fusion of both the original Baum novel, and the classic MGM film in this new production, a sense only heightened by the release this morning of a few new production stills. In the images released, both Danielle Hope, and Michael Crawford (as the Wizard) wear costumes quite reminiscent (though not exact copies) of the film originals, while Dorothy’s three companions (and Toto too!) seem drawn heavily from the original W.W. Denslow illustrations.

So, despite my initial reservations, I can’t wait for Tuesday! I’ll be the one, despite in the Royal Circle, in a full suit and tie, soaking up every moment of it!

 

The London Palladium façade

There are few venues as identified with Judy Garland during her post-MGM concert career as the London Palladium. Certainly the RKO Palace and Carnegie Hall as well, but Judy Garland’s second career began, in earnest, on 9 April 1951, at the London Palladium. So, it seems quite appropriate that Andrew Lloyd Webber’s new production of The Wizard of Oz has taken up residence at the venue.

Judy Garland on 9 April 1951

Garland herself would stay there for four weeks in 1951, performing a 35 minute program (among a collection of other performers) twice nightly, before her (possibly more famous) run at the RKO Palace in New York City later that same year.

Judy Garland would return to London many times over the next two decades, and to the Palladium stage specifically next on 18 November 1957, and later on 1 December 1960 for The Royal Command Performance Variety Show (now the Royal Variety Performance), performing before HM Queen Elizabeth II and the Duke of Edinburgh.

Importantly to Judy’s later career, it was at the Palladium that Judy first performed a concert, then called, “An Evening with Judy Garland” on 28 August, and again on 4 September 1960, which was Judy’s first two-act solo concert. It was also, according to Scott Schechter’s Day-by-Day Chronicle of a Legend, “actually the first known, two-act, solo, one-woman concert by a female pop vocalist.” Far from an insignificant achievement! The set list she performed on 28 August 1960, with the exception of “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” which she sang in honor of the recently passed Oscar Hammerstein, would be the same she would later sing at the more famous Carnegie Hall concert on 21 April 1961.

Judy in "I Could Go On Singing" on the Palladium stage.

It is also at the London Palladium, in May 1962, that Garland filmed key sequences for what would become her final picture, I Could Go On Singing, performing the overture and introduction to “Hello, Bluebird,” and the title track, on the Palladium stage before a live audience. Two years later, on 8 and 16 November, it was there that Judy and her daughter, Liza Minnelli, for the first time, gave a joint concert, later released as Judy Garland And Liza Minnelli: “Live” At The London Palladium.

Judy Garland on "Sunday Night at The London Palladium"

Five years later, on 19 January 1969, Judy Garland would perform at the London Palladium for the final time, on Sunday Night at the London Palladium. Serving as a replacement for an ailing Lena Horne, Judy’s performance that night was broadcast live on British television, and would be her last television appearance. She was dead just over five months later, not more than a few minutes from the theatre.

Judy Garland has now been gone for nearly forty two years, and yet, she is never far away. On the most recent Royal Variety Performance, on 9 December 2010, again held at the London Palladium, Michael Crawford told of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s massive undertaking in staging The Wizard of Oz for the Palladium. Crawford, known the world over for originating the titular role of The Phantom of the Opera, will be doing the same in Oz. He went on to introduce a massive group of lively school children, who sang a medley of songs from the film, before they were replaced by the singular figure of Danielle Hope dressed (in a nearly screen-accurate recreation of Garland’s costume) as Dorothy, to sing, of course, “Over the Rainbow.”

Garland herself often expressed genuine gratitude for the fame she won from The Wizard of Oz and delight at having been Dorothy.

Danielle Hope (as Dorothy)

She realized the song itself was “sacred,” concluding, “I don’t want anybody, anywhere to lose the thing they have about Dorothy and that song.”

I, for one, will be there on 1 March 2011, along with the press and the famous, on the official opening night of the musical, to see what Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice, and their collaborators have wrought. But somehow, in seeing so many children singing along to the songs she helped make famous, more than seventy years ago, on the very stage were she effectively reinvented her career, I feel Judy Garland would be overjoyed to see her legacy continue right there at The London Palladium.

I’ve said several times, if it were possible to go back in time, I would be happy to go to the past for a single day, for a brief three hours. Sunday, April 23, 1961. Carnegie Hall. 8:30pm.

Now, while that statement is still true, and always will be, in some ways, I feel I have some idea what that night must have been like for the nearly three thousand lucky attendants who were there for ‘Judy at Carnegie Hall’. Last night, I had the pleasure to see Tracie Bennett in ‘End of the Rainbow’ in which she portrays Judy Garland; although channels seems more appropriate.

Stephen Hagan (Mickey Deans), Tracie Bennett (Judy Garland), and Hilton McRae (Anthony)

Bennett is accompanied by a tiny supporting cast of three, portraying Mickey Deans, Judy’s soon-to-be fifth husband (Stephen Hagan), her gay Scottish pianist Anthony (Hilton McRae), and Robin Browne as a BBC interviewer, hotel porter, and assistant stage manager.

The play takes place in December 1968; Judy is in London with Deans for her five-week run at the Talk of the Town, with the entirety of the play occurring in either the couple’s hotel suite, or the Talk of the Town stage, isolating between her personal trials and public triumphs.

Tracie Bennett, as Judy, was simply… there are not superlatives enough. There are genuine bits of Judy Garland there, in body, voice, manner, and spirit. Throughout, Bennett does her own singing, and yet, she hits it every time. There is soon to be a cast recording released at the end of the month, and I, for one, will be snatching it up!

Tracie Bennett as Judy Garland

Bennet recreates Judy’s body language beautifully: the way she always hugged herself, picked at herself, played with her hair… the way she moves, always touching those around her… Unless you really know Judy Garland, you will have little idea what I mean, and yet, it’s all there. Bennett has clearly spent hour upon hour watching videos of Judy, and reproduced it down to the last detail! Even her costumes and hair seem to be taken directly from footage of Garland in her last few years, all her ensembles are exact replicas of those she wore in life. At one point she even wears a pair of shimmering red stiletto pumps, a subtle reference to her famous footwear.

Honestly, walking in, I was nervously excited, but still expected to be (despite a landslide of positive reviews) disappointed. After all, this is Judy we’re talking about! I’ve loved Judy since I was five, and I have insanely high standards. At first, I let my concerns get in the way of fully engaging with Bennett and the play, and yet, about twenty minutes into the show, as soon as she sang, I almost fainted.

Everything was there, her gestures, the way she always played with the microphone cord, the arms, the energy, the voice, everything. In the concert numbers, she addresses the audience as if they were the concert audience, and she really connects. At that point I honestly forgot it was Tracie Bennett. Despite myself, I saw Judy Garland, and it honestly freaked me out a little bit. It helped that I was near the middle of the theatre at the very front, at eye level with the performers, without a single audience member in my range of vision. In those concert moments, I almost felt like I needed to leave, like that was really Judy Garland up there, and it was almost too much to take, especially given the amount of eye contact she gives the audience!

The highlight of the play came as Judy, alone in the suite, sang ‘The Man that Got Away,’ while wandering around the suite, lounging on the floor, we see her racked with pain Garland herself couldn’t have not experienced, in a life of five husbands, two of which were gay. All, in their own way, must have loved her, or thought they did. But for Judy, in life, there seems to have often been confusion between loving her and wanting to protect her. Throughout the play Judy calls Mickey ‘my protector,’ and that may very well have been what she believed she needed, and yet while he does try to help her, he relents, as must anyone dealing with an addict, ultimately protecting her from nothing, least of all herself.

While Mickey clearly is, at first, trying his best to get her off the medications and alcohol, eventually he relents, both so she isn’t in pain for a few brief moments, and seemingly more importantly, so she can go back out on stage, in an effort to ease some of her debts. (Garland would, in fact, die almost $4 million in debt.) Only later do we see her continue to struggle, dealing with the ensuing upset and illness the medications must have caused again and again, despite everyone’s efforts.

Let me be clear here, the private moments of the play were really painful to watch; there were even moments when I didn’t know if I could stay for the duration. There were moments that had me crying throughout. Let me say here, I get exasperatedly angry when anyone calls Judy Garland’s life a “tragedy.” Yes, she had her problems, she was addicted to the pills, and there is no denying that. Whose fault was it? Metro? Ethel (Judy’s mother)?  Judy herself? These are questions without answers. Throughout the play Judy, of course, makes her own accusations, as I’m sure she did in life. Yet, what also seems to be present here, while she struggles, she never loses her sense of humor about it all.

Throughout the play, there are moments played for comedy, showing the lengths Judy would go to in order to avoid the hotel bill, acquire medications, and escape Mickey’s supervision and yet, they are always tinged with the reality of her pain. She is never made out to be anything more or less than she was, a human being trying to survive. Yet, those comedic moments – while needed to alleviate the pain – at times really made me angry. Yet, even Judy, I think, would have tried to find the humor, with her naughty sense of humor and genuine sense of fun, so maybe it’s all right. I honestly don’t know.

At Judy’s side is also her pianist, Anthony. I honestly don’t know if he is based on a real person, but throughout, he is the person I felt really pulling for Judy. Even after Mickey relents with the medication we see Anthony struggling to pick up the pieces and help her. After she has downed the latest dose of medication, he tries to refuse to accompany her on stage, in a last ditch effort to make it all stop. But, eventually, she persuades him, as she must have done in life. She could get anyone to do anything for her, and not always for the better!

Near the last moments of the play we see he and Judy imagining a future in which she could leave Mickey and go with Anthony, move to Brighton, and abandon show business. For a moment we are allowed to envision an alternate future of an unburdened, and clean, Judy Garland living out her life, carefree, on the south coast.

Here the play leaves us, with Anthony giving a brief epilogue, telling of Judy’s brief marriage, death, and funeral, followed by Bennett’s haunting rendition of the second half or so of ‘Over the Rainbow,’ reminding us, that, despite it all, Judy Garland is still very much with us. She is Dorothy, and she always will be. Judy’s final words are these, “Immortality would be nice. Yes I’d like that. Immortality might just make up for everything.” While the hardships she endured can never be erased, I like to think she would be pleased to know that over forty years after her death, while many may not know her name, people of every age, still hold Dorothy close to their hearts, and as long as they do, she is still, very much, with us.

As many people are well aware, for the past several months Juan and I have undertaken a semi-formal classic film education. That being the case, we watch, on average, a new film from the classical period just about every day. Sometimes we squeeze in two, and on weekends we’ve been known to watch as many as eight. We really aren’t going about it randomly either. We have at hand the 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die, and  Richard Maltby’s Hollywood Cinema, along with a growing collection of others. On my side, I must admit, most of them are (thus far) either about Judy Garland, or The Wizard of Oz, but what can you do? This leopard is far from changing his spots!

Thus far, we’ve canvassed from 1902’s Le Voyage Dans La Lune, to the present day, but we have stayed, at least recently, squarely in the 1930’s and 1940’s. A very good place to stay, if you ask me!

I was asked this morning, given that Juan and I have now, easily, watched at least a few hundred of the best films to ever come out of Hollywood, what I would recommend as films not to be missed. So, I created a list. It’s biased,  and my personal recommendations are, of course, coloured by my own taste and particularities. (Read that as Judy Garland is present a lot, but I actually tried to reign her in, honestly I did.) I’m also entirely aware of the fact that there are, what would seem to be, horrible omissions here. But, to place the list in context, I was asked what films I would recommend as a starting point for anyone who’s never watched that much of Classic Hollywood, and this list was the result. I am not an expert, far from it. For that you’d have to go to my friend Sean. I know it, I acknowledge it, I admit it; my film knowledge is far inferior to many others. Live with it; I do.

All that being said, here are the films that have really stuck out to me for one reason or another.

Obviously, The Wizard of Oz, (1939) is at the top of the list, but I assume any person vaguely familiar with Western culture, and breathing, will have seen the film. That being said, if you haven’t seen it since you were a child (for whatever horrible reason) pop it in to your DVD player (or YouTube or BitTorrent, or whatever) and give it another view. I love it as much today as when I was five. Honestly, maybe more, and I still find myself watching it at least once a month, if not more. Then again, working on replicating the ruby slippers provides an excellent excuse!

Beyond “Oz,” my recommendations, in no particularly order, are:

Laura (1944) It’s one of the (very) few “film noir” that I’ve honestly enjoyed. The murder of a beautiful woman who seems to enchant all those around her. Gene Tierney is fantastic, and having a queer eye when watching the film reveals more than the surface seems to suppose.

Gone With the Wind (1939) Anyone who hasn’t seen it, honestly, is crazy. Yes, it is long, but it is beautiful, and gripping, and utterly fantastic. The book (equally long, at 1,036 pages) is superb.

Casablanca (1942) Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in a story of true love and sacrifice, set against World War II. “Here’s looking at you kid!”

Roman Holiday (1953). The first American screen appearance of Audrey Hepburn, and one for which she won the Academy Award for Best Actress. Besides, who can resist the story of a princess who just wants to be a regular young lady?

Citizen Kane (1942) Said by many to be the best film ever made. For its technical achievements, and use of innovative storytelling techniques, along with the use of a non-linear narrative, with multiple, unreliable, narrators, along with taking on in topic one of the most powerful men in America, Newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst, it’s worth your time to discover what all the fuss is about. It’s a wonder it even survives today, given all the pressure at the time to have the negative destroyed!

Now, Voyager (1942) Bette Davis as Charlotte Vale, evolves from a repressed spinster, who shrinks under the care of her dictatorial mother, to a strong, independent woman, not unlike Davis herself. Featuring Davis at her most iconic, it is a film not to be missed.

It Happened One Night (1934) With Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert, this story of a spoiled socialite who runs away to get out from under her father’s thumb only to fall in love with a roguish reporter is THE romantic comedy. Every subsequent “boy meets girl” story begs, borrows, or steals from this one.

Rebecca (1940) Produced by David O Selznick, the man behind “Gone With the Wind,” at the same time as the colossus, it tells the dark story of a young woman (Joan Fontaine) who marries the ideal husband (Sir Laurence Olivier) only to find herself in the constant shadow of his dead wife, Rebecca.

Rope (1948) Hitchcock’s tale of two young gay men who, plan and execute, the perfect crime. Throwing a huge dinner party, while the body lays in the centre of the room. Shot in lavish Technicolor, and featuring James Stewart, the film is a technical triumph, appearing to be shot with a minimum of cuts, giving one a lavish sense of space, in lush colours, at odds with the context of the film.

Mildred Pierce (1945) Joan Crawford as a strong-willed entrepreneur determined to realise the American dream for herself, and her daughter, at any cost.

Sunset Boulevard (1950) A washed out movie actress (Gloria Swanson) attempts to grasp at a young film writer who accidentally ends up entrapped in her web, in a futile attempt to reclaim her former glory, with tragic consequences.

I Could Go On Singing (Also known as The Lonely Stage in the UK) (1963) Judy Garland’s final film, in which she plays a singer/actress, not unlike herself, Jenny Bowman, who comes to England in search of the family she left so many years before. Garland helped co-star Dirk Bogarde write several scenes in the film, giving, perhaps a glimpse, of how she truly felt about her life, and her legend.

Psycho (1960) Three words, Bloody shower scene, or, “rheent, rheent, rheent”

A Star is Born (1954) Judy Garland and James Mason star as the fading elder leading man helping the young actress achieve stardom as his own life becomes dark indeed. While this film is beautiful (despite the fact that Jack Warner hacked it to pieces after it’s completion, complaining it was “too long”), it is, I find, difficult to watch, yet worth it all the same.

For those particularly interested in Classic Hollywood, I recommend Juan’s blog, Amateur Film Studies, along with The Golden Age of Hollywood website and forum. If you have any interest in Hollywood costuming, you may also enjoy my other blog, The Ruby Slippers Project, in which I chronicle my efforts at recreating Judy Garland’s ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz

For the Queering Popular Culture course at the University of Sussex, I wrote the following paper. It was presented to my tutor,  Andy Medhurst, on 19 April 2010 in partial completion of my current MA, and is presented here for interested parties to read, but it remains my personal intellectual property. Its creation was spurred by my personal investment as a gay man in the musical Wicked; it is my attempt to explain that investment.

Following the Legacy of Oz: From Judy Garland to Idina Menzel, Wicked and the Gay Male Audience

“I want to remember this moment. Always. Nobody’s staring. Nobody’s pointing. For the first time, I’m somewhere… where I belong.

-Elphaba (qtd in Cote 155)

The typifying gesture of camp is really something amazingly simple, the moment at which a consumer of culture makes the wild surmise: ‘What if whoever made this was gay too?” […] What if: “What if the right audience for this were exactly me?”

-Eve Sedgwick (qtd in Clum 8 )

Pursuing such questioning, finding the camp and queer elements in musical theatre, is far from difficult, as John Clum states simply, “[M]usicals are camp” (7). He explains, “Musicals were always gay. They always attracted a gay audience, and, at their best, even in times of a policed closet, they were created by gay men” (9). Nevertheless, Stacy Wolf’s recent work on the Broadway musical Wicked[1], while showing the musical to represent the two female leads, Elphaba and G(a)linda[2] as “a queer couple” (“Queer” 5), pays little, to no, attention to the musical’s potential resonances with a gay male audience; she prefers instead to focus on its significant impact on its female audience. Yet, in considering the various cultural discourses and source texts from which Wicked draws, many of which involve the concept of the diva, which historically has been central to the “allure of musical theatre” (Clum 10) for gay men, one hopes, working from Wolf’s findings, to show Wicked open to a discourse involving gay men as much as their sisters.

Camp, critically, “allows gay spectators to find gayness in shows that are ostensibly heterosexual and heterosexist. It allows them to identify with the indomitable, odd women, [the] ‘admirable freaks,’ [the divas,] who were often at the center of musicals” (Clum 8). Yet, importantly, such women have been present, not only, as we will discuss later, in this newest incarnation of the Oz tale, but they have been there since its very inception. Also, while the seminal film version of The Wizard of Oz, “serves as [a] pop-culture icon of twentieth-century Western gay culture” (Pugh 217) and the “gay national anthem is still ‘Over the Rainbow’ (Clum 10), before examining the film and the culture of its production, which, undoubtedly, greatly influenced the creation of Wicked, we find, in L. Frank Baum’s original Oz series, the “roots of Oz’s queerness” in its life as a series of children’s fairy tales” (Pugh 218).

Theorist Tison Pugh terms Baum’s Oz a “queer utopia” in which “numerous characters, places, and even objects […] are passingly described as queer” (218). While the literal use of the word “queer” “is decidedly asexual, and Baum typically uses in its connotative sense of odd, unconventional, and eccentric” (219) such as when he calls the Munchkins “the queerest people [Dorothy] had ever seen” or describing the Scarecrow with his “queer, painted face” (qtd 218). Yet, at the same time, “[e]ccentricity and singularity are privileged cultural values in Oz” (219) such as when the Scarecrow encourages Jack Pumpkinhead, who fears ridicule, to embrace his uniqueness, saying, “That proves you are unusual… and I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed” (qtd in 220). Pugh believes such “privileging [of] the exceptional over the everyday… resounds with metaphorical meaning [for] queer readers [who] could readily apply this moral to their own sense of separation from the dominate heterosexual culture” (220).

Oz, significantly, is filled with admirably freaky women as well. While Dorothy is, of course, the most prominent character in the Oz series, alongside her through much of the series is the fairy princess Ozma, who rules over Oz after the Wizard leaves. Ozma further queers Oz through her personal history; Ozma is introduced in the books as a boy named Tip, raised by an evil crone, “before learning her true identity as a fairy queen” (Pugh 221). After initially resisting the transformation from orphan boy to young princess, he/she eventually accepts, and rules as queen, becoming, “the loveliest Queen the Emerald City have ever known; and although she was so young and inexperienced, she ruled her people with wisdom and justice” (qtd 221). In Ozma we see “the ways in which sexual roles are so readily transmuted in the odd world of Oz” (221). Ozma, however, is not alone in her gendered metamorphosis, “additional examples of gender switching abound in Oz” (221) and, further, “it is within the magical abilities of many creatures to turn themselves into the other sex” (222).

This sexual shifting also grossly impacts Oz’s representation of personal identity and gender as “male activities are often performed by women, notably in the many female armies that march about the country” (223). Further, these female armies are “consistently depict[ed] as more successful soldiers than men, and female troops appear better capable of serving militarily than male troops in many of the Oz books” (224). In this way, ‘[t]he queer utopia of Oz delights in inversions of gender roles” and women are vested with “impressive feats throughout the narratives” (224).

While Oz is populated by a great many strong women, important to the queer reader, it also places an emphasis on homosocial intimacy, “repeatedly evidenced by the deep friendship between the Tin Woodman and the Scarecrow” (Pugh 226). Pugh further explains, “If any couple in the Oz series models the heartfelt affection of a long-term relationship, it is these two fast friends” (226). The Scarecrow represents the relationship as an enduring commitment, “‘I shall return with my friend the Tin Woodman,’ said the stuffed one, seriously. ‘We have decided never to be parted in the future’” (qtd in Pugh 226). Later in the series, the depth of their relationship is described further, “There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men who were the best of friends. They were so much happier when together that they were seldom apart” (qtd in Pugh 226). While Pugh concedes, “In this passage, the queerness of the two men is located in their bodies constructed of tin and straw, […] their relationship likewise establishes them as a unique pairing in Oz” (Pugh 226); one, the text seems to suggest, to be valued and emulated.

Out of this queer Land of Oz came the now classic 1939 MGM film, The Wizard of Oz, from which Wicked undoubtedly garners some of its popularity (“Queer” Wolf 4). Further, “Wicked self-consciously poaches lines from the film” (4). For instance, when Nessarose, Elphaba’s sister, asks, “What’s in the punch?” the munchkin, Boq, answers, “Lemons, and melons, and pears,” to which Nessarose replies, “Oh my!,” while later in the musical, Elphaba returns home to visit her sister, quipping, “Well, there’s no place like home!”[3] Each of these references, it is interesting to note, are taken as levity by the audience and recognized as direct references to the source text.

References to the film, however, are not purely textural; G(a)linda first enters the stage via a steel orb surrounded by a sea of soap bubbles, reminiscent of the bubble in which Glinda first enters in the film (“Queer” Wolf 4), while various set details also make clear nods toward the film, including, “the iconic yellow-brick-road and the fallen Kansas house with the Wicked Witch of the East’s stripped stockings and ruby-slippered feet poking out” (4).

While the film is “one of America’s most well-known and beloved tales” (4), The Wizard of Oz is also taken by many as “an allegory of gay experience” (Clum 153), with a lasting impact on gay culture. Clum writes of the connection,

[G]ay life is seen as a technicolor Oz, far away from the oppressive, homophobic black-and-white world in which many gay men were raised. Oz has dangers, as does living in the urban gay ghetto, but they’re mitigated by the fabulousness of the place. There Dorothy and her queer friends can build their own family. (10-11)

Clum, of course, is far from alone in acknowledging the film as gay culture’s “seminal work” (10), as Pugh explains, “With Judy Garland as the star, its exaggerated characters of good and evil, and its Technicolor wonderland of vibrant colors and outlandish costumes, the film displays a queer sensibility that countless viewers adore” (217). Clearly, as Alexander Doty has written, gay men, even as children, have an intense relationship with the film. Doty, recounting his own childhood, wrote:

[A]s a kid, I loved Dorothy, loved Toto, was scared of, but fascinated by, the Wicked Witch of the West, felt guilty for thinking good witch Glinda was nerve-gratingly fey and shrill, thought the Tin Man was attractive and the Scarecrow a big showoff [and] I was really embarrassed by the Cowardly Lion. (49)

These identifications, Doty argues, change for gay men over time. He recounts:

[I]n my twenties I became aware of butches and of camp, both of which fed into my developing ‘gay’ appreciation of The Wizard of Oz. Camp finally let me make peace with the Cowardly Lion. He was still over-the-top, but no longer a total embarrassment. […] King of the Forest? He was more like a drag queen who just didn’t give a fuck. (50)

While the film, clearly, has been read as retrospectively camp by many gay men, as camp, itself, has been “largely understood as a reception practice [it also] may be invoked as a production practice to understand stylistic influences in musical films produced at MGM by the Feed Unit” (Tinkcom 24) by which the production of Oz was influenced. While the Freed Unit, a film unit within MGM populated, largely, by gay men, famous for the production of its most lavish movie musicals (26), did not come into being until after the film’s production (24), Arthur Freed, later to become head of the unit, did work as an uncredited producer on Oz, along with many of his future collaborators, who came to be mockingly referred to as both “Freed’s Fairies” (Clum 148) and “the royal family” (26) by others at MGM. The group of producers, directors, and, largely, art directors, helped to craft the “dazzling sets, costumes, use of color […] and choreography” (Tinkcom 34) all paramount in realizing the fantastic Land of Oz. Additionally, gay director George Cukor, most famous for having directed Gone With the Wind, and, later, Judy Garland’s A Star is Born spent a few days on the Oz set after its first few weeks of principal photography. Appalled at the film thus far, finding the film lacking the “child-like quality” (Haley) it needed, Cukor set to work, altering make-up and costumes for many of the principles. Cukor “particularly dislike[d] Judy Garland’s appearance. He [took] off her curly blonde wig and half of her make-up” and, critically, he told her to “remember, you’re just a little girl from Kansas” (Haley). Such alterations, however seemingly slight at the time, effectively created the iconic image of Dorothy we have today (Haley).

Not only did a gay man effectively craft the image of Dorothy, but the principle films produced by the Freed Unit in the ensuing decade were, among others, Meet Me in St. Louis (1944), The Clock (1945), The Harvey Girls (1946), The Pirate (1948), and Easter Parade (1948), all of which, incidentally, were star vehicles for Judy Garland (Clum 148). Gay men, it can be argued, crafted what we take today as “Judy Garland;” “Garland’s screen image was nurtured by gay men[;] [s]he was the diva of the Freed Unit” (Clum 148). They “mentored, directed, choreographed, and costumed her, in effect, shaping her distinct performing style to achieve its camp register” (295). Paramount among these, early in her career, before Vincente Minnelli, who was “widely known as homosexual within the small circuit of Hollywood” (Tinkcom 31) yet, nevertheless, would become Garland’s second husband, and father to Liza, was Roger Edens who worked with Garland as early as 1936 to craft her voice into the sound we recognize today (Cohan 295).   In this way, Garland is, at least in part, a gay creation, the most famous of those “indomitable, odd” divas at the center of the classic Hollywood musical (Clum 8).

If Garland’s image was shaped by gay men, it makes sense that that same image would then resonate with them; the way in which Garland is often portrayed in the MGM films as the best-friend to the leading man, and not, of course, his love interest, or placed in close proximity to more beautiful, glamorous women, who come closer to the expectations of exuding sexuality than Garland could ever hope. Next to such women, Garland must have felt inferior and inadequate, much like some gay men who are uncomfortable with, but expected to enjoy, the company of the straight men around them. Garland experienced this in several films, but most pointedly perhaps when she was placed in the company of both Hedy Lamarr and Lana Turner in 1941’s Ziegfeild Girl. In viewing the film it becomes painfully clear that Garland “does not have and cannot carry off glamour” (Dyer 163). Garland’s Oz co-star Ray Bolger said of her, “She wasn’t pretty; she was plump. But, in a way, she was beautiful” (Haley).

Yet, as Richard Dyer writes, the connection between gay men and Garland only intensified later, after 1950, when she was sacked by MGM and, subsequently, tried to commit suicide. Doing so caused “a sudden break with Garland’s uncomplicated and ordinary MGM image [which] made possible a reading of Garland as having a special relationship to suffering, ordinariness, normality, and it is this relationship that structures much of the gay reading of Garland” (138). Importantly, this “post-1950 reading was also a reading of her career before 1950, a reading back into the earlier films […] in the light of later years” (139) which, as has already been noted, were rich in a direct gay influence. Dyer notes, in looking at what many gay men have written about Garland, they “stress [her] emotionality and its relation to the situation of gay men” (141). Central to most of these accounts are, beyond her emotionality, Garland’s seeming ability to recover after setbacks, and the strength she displayed through her suffering. Of her emotionality, Roger Woodcock, in the first issue of Jeremy, “an ostensibly bisexual publication, which appeared just before the development of the gay liberation movement in Britain,” (141) wrote, “Every time she sang, she poured out her troubles. Life had beaten her up and it showed. That is what attracted homosexuals to her. She created hysteria for them” (qtd in 141). Barry Conley, writing for Gay News, outlined Garland’s appeal to gay men, citing her ability to fight back from disappointment. He wrote,

She began to gather a large following of homosexuals at her concerts, who were eager to applaud each and every thing she did… Perhaps the majority of those audiences saw in Judy a loser who was fighting back at life, and they could themselves draw a parallel to this. (qtd in Dyer 142)

These quotes show, while “Garland is often painted as a pathetic figure and her fans – particularly her gay fans – as devotees of disaster […] the true attraction to Judy Garland [is] her indomitable spirit, not her self-destructive tendencies, that appeals to gay audiences” (qtd in 142). Another of Dryer’s commentators made this point directly, and inphatically; he wrote,

I loved her because no matter how they put her down, she survived. When they said she couldn’t sing; when they said she was drunk; when they said she was drugged; when they said she couldn’t keep a man… When they said she was fat; when they said she was thin; when they said she’d fallen flat on her face. People are falling on their faces every day. She got up. (qtd in 142).

While Garland “managed to retain all her ‘straight’ admirers” (142) during her lifetime, even many of them were acutely aware of the gay presence in her audiences, as the reviewer from the Los Angeles Citizen News for her 1961 Hollywood Bowl concert wrote:

They were all there, the guys and dolls and the “sixth men”,[4] sitting in the drizzle which continued throughout the concert… After “Over the Rainbow” the standing, water-soaked audience applauded until Judy came back and sang three more songs. The guys and gals and “sixth man” wanted more. (139-140)

Yet, given the gay male presence in crafting her stage persona, it seems only too appropriate that Garland has come to signify gayness in those who appreciate her. By way of introduction to his chapter on Garland’s fandom, Steven Cohan glibly paraphrases Jane Austen in writing,

It is a truth almost universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a Judy Garland CD must not be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a record store, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding public that Garland is considered the rightful property of some one or other of Dorothy’s friends. (287)

While some may see the connection between gay men, the figure of the diva, and Garland as potentially antiquated, and therefore of little impact on the reception of Wicked, Clum wrote of a lingering connection he observed in his own students,

[T]his twenty-year-old goes into a perfect imitation of Ethel Merman doing “You Can’t Get a Man with a Gun.” He is enthusiastically joined by a heretofore quiet freshman sitting twenty feet away. Ethel Merman was not on television or film during these kids’ lifetimes, but they can do Ethel Merman imitations and know all the lyrics to the song. (37)

In assessing the interaction he witnessed, Clum, knowing one student, and strongly suspecting the other to be gay, wrote, “[T]his joint Ethel Merman imitation is a kind of signaling and bonding ritual for the two young men,” he further explains, “This, too, is gay culture, the maintaining of a flamboyant tradition of musical theater and musical divas these kids have never experienced first hand, but somehow know” (37). Some gay men are “doing musicals, and for them doing musicals is in some way part of their gayness” (37).

This same connection between the musical and gayness is never stronger, even today, than around the figure of Judy Garland. Yet, today, this connection is growing controversial,

Garland and the history she stands for are now an embarrassment for a younger generation of gay men who, seeking to assimilate more easily into heteronormative culture, ‘just want to be regular guys – with better-than-average bodies.’ Garland’s remaining fans, in the meantime, are looked down on with ridicule as “Judy queens.” (Cohan 288)

While it may be true that Garland’s fans, and gay fans of musical theatre, may be ridiculed by their fellow gay men, much as straight-acting Will who is “no more flamboyant than most sitcom straight heroes” (Clum 27) criticizes effeminate, musical loving Jack (Clum 28). While the musical/Garland connection with gay men has grown to be “itself[…] an area of contention” (29), it nevertheless seems to prove, enduringly, true. Of course, “[n]ot all gay men are show queen; not all men who love musicals are gay. But there is a phenomenon, the show queen, for whom gayness and musical theater are connected” (38).

Given the strong, and enduring connection between gay men and the musical, a gay male attraction to Wicked is only enhanced by the conventions the musical takes up, utilizes, and queers. The musical, as Wolf has established, “follow[s] the conventions of mid-twentieth-century musical theatre” (“Queer” Wolf 2), conventions greatly influenced by the megamusicals of the Freed Unit. Early in the first act of Wicked following the meeting of its two protagonists, Elphaba, “the smart political outcast” and G(a)linda, “the vapid, popular girl who becomes Glinda the Good Witch,” sing a duet, “What is this Feeling?,” which uses the conventional language of a love song to convey their mutual distain. Composer Stephen Schwartz calls it a “falling into hate” song (Laird 344). Wolf cites the same form of song originally in Oklahoma, “meant to express […] incompatibility” between two lovers (“Queer” Wolf 2). The structure of “What is this Feeling?” leads the audience to think “the pair is singing a queer love song” until it is revealed that the “feeling” is “loathing” (2). The song, “plays with the audience’s expectations […] and renders the song doubly queer” (2), firstly, it “def[ies] conventions of genre because it sounds like an actual love song,” while simultaneously “defy[ing] conventions of gender because it [is] between two women in the resolutely heterosexual form of the musical” (2). Wolf, writing elsewhere on the female duet has stated that such songs “make explicit what the musical represses” (“Always” Wolf 351) namely that Elphaba and G(a)linda “are the show’s central couple” (351). Wolf writes, “a female duet provides a unique timbre […] When two women are heard together, they signify a couple, and two women’s voices, in close proximity as they hit notes within the same octave, creates a particularly intimate aural relationship on which the female duet capitalizes” (358). Such an “erotic charge of such intertwined voices […] is [a] homoerotic jouissance de l’écoute[5]” Given the potential sexual connotations of female duet, and song’s power in musicals to progress the plot and relationships (“Always” Wolf 352), it is significant that Elphaba and G(a)linda, “sing four duets of various tones and tempos over the course of the show” (“Queer” Wolf 12) which is “unusually high for any romantic couple in a musical” (13) which only further “emplot[s] the two women as a romantic couple” (8).

While the musical does, as it must, concern itself with the pretense of a heterosexual romance, in the case of Wicked a love triangle with the two female leads vying for the attention of the male lead Fiyero, “whose part is not even large enough to consider him a principal” (18), even the actors who have played him know “the character merely exists to foreground the women’s strong connection and attachment” (18). Norbert Leo Butz, Broadway’s original Fiyero has said, “[T]he real story is between the two women” (qtd in 18) while David Ayers has said, “Fiyero is a vehicle to tell the story of the two women” (qtd in 18).

Yet, this is a queer romance, in which its two participants is each a diva in her own right. The diva is, an “extraordinary woman [who] often emerges from the conjunction of an ‘ugly’ exterior and a beautiful, powerful voice” (“Divas” Wolf 46) which perfectly defines Elphaba. She is “a Broadway archetype: the unprepossessing, unlikely creature transformed into a powerhouse whenever she sings” (46). Wicked’s producer Mark Platt makes clear this power of expression, “In a stage musical, you can turn to your audience and sing them exactly what you’re feeling” (qtd in 46); in this way both Elphaba and G(a)linda are “exuberantly self-expressive” (46) in a way very reminiscent of the qualities which drew gay men to Judy Garland, as one gay man wrote of Garland, “In every song I’ve heard it gives you something of her as a person, all of the tragedy and happiness of her life is echoed in every word she sings” (qtd in Dyer 145). Also, similar to Garland, Elphaba sings of “desire for men and of relationships with men going wrong” (151); while Garland sang of “The Man that Got Away,” Elphaba sings of her own inability to have the man she desires in “I’m Not That Girl.”

In some ways, Elphaba “typifies Broadway’s traditional diva: she is the dark, alto outsider who sings the musical’s well-known belting numbers, ‘The Wizard and I’ and ‘Defying Gravity.’ She breaks the rules and is condemned for her strength and determination” (“Diva” Wolf 48). Schwartz has said he “modeled Elphaba on Barbra Streisand […] in Funny Girl” (“Queer” Wolf 12). In “The Wizard and I” Elphaba tells the audience she is “a diva, a visionary, independent, and ambitious” (12), yet, like Judy Garland, “she is a vulnerable girl who wants to be pretty and popular” (12). Not only does Elphaba share traits with Garland, but she also is positioned as a “Dorothy-like heroine” (12) endangering, and ultimately martyring, herself for the sake of her friends. Schwartz goes to pains to make the connection with Dorothy all but explicit; Elphaba’s theme motive, which always hinges on the use of the term, “unlimited,” which is threaded through a number of her songs, contains the exact sequence of six notes that begin Harold Arlen’s main musical line for “Over the Rainbow.”

While Elphaba is more earnest in her desires, G(a)linda “embodies the diva’s excess” (“Diva” Wolf 48), yet she, like her friend, possesses a dual persona with which any queer person, who has at some time been closeted, can find resonance. Schwartz has acknowledged of G(a)linda, she “is, in some ways, two distinct characters: the real woman who is friendly, but insecure and superficial; and the ‘posed’ Galinda who is the beautiful ‘good witch.’” (Laird 343).This dichotomy is reflected in Kristin Chenoweth[6]’s performance of G(a)linda on stage; “as the ‘real’ Galinda, Chenoweth belted; as the public persona, she soared into her upper [soprano] register” (343). In the show’s opening number, “No One Mourns the Wicked” G(a)linda “stages a performance of a performance in her role as a public figure,” in so being, it is sung “in a significantly higher register than any other song in the show” (“Queer” Wolf 12). The song is “Glinda’s only true soprano number; its unusual tessitura confirms the song’s status as public display, as performance” (12). This queer duality of her persona is further made clear in the opening of the second act when, standing on a platform addressing the citizens of the Emerald city, and the audience, G(a)linda is purposely made up with an upswept hairstyle, dress, and arm gestures which make direct visual reference to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Evita.

The potential resonances gay men find with the divas at the center of Wicked has been found to not simply rest with the characters, but has expanded to include the leading ladies who play them, “each of whom gathers a huge fan following” (“Divas” Wolf 41). Yet, none of these, it could be argued, have accrued a larger following than Broadway’s original Elphaba, Idina Menzel. This following never made itself more visible than at the Broadway Wicked performance on 9 January 2005. It was meant to be Menzel’s final in a role she originated, and for which she earned a Tony Award. Yet, Menzel had been injured “during the previous day’s performance when the elevator beneath the stage into which she ‘melts’ dropped early” causing her to fall through, breaking two ribs (40). On the following evening, at the point at which Elphaba was to reappear on-stage after her ‘melting,’ instead of a trap door opening and Menzel’s stand-by appearing, through a different entrance Menzel herself “walked gingerly from the wings onto the stage, decked out in a red Adidas warm-up suit and red sneakers” (40). Jesse McKinley for the New York Times wrote of that moment “She wasn’t in costume, she wasn’t in makeup, and she wasn’t even in character” yet she received a standing ovation “like few you’ve ever seen: a screaming, squealing, flashbulb-popping explosion that was equal parts ecstatic hello and tearful goodbye” (qtd in 40).

While Wolf claims the show to have a “cult status among tween (pre-adolescent) and teenage girls” (43), which it admittedly does, she makes such a pronouncement, it would imply, at the exclusion of anyone else. Yet, when Menzel, in 2006, decided to return to the role of Elphaba for Wicked’s opening in the West End, more than a few young gay men flew from around to world to see Menzel reprise the role. Such becomes clear when observing the goings on at the stage door after each of Menzel’s performances during her four month residency in London. Amid crowds so thick barricades were erected to maintain order, many young men, myself and young men I knew among them, were present to pay their respects to the diva of Wicked in much the same way young men some fifty years ago routinely stormed the stage to be near, and touch Judy Garland at the end of her concerts (Dyer 140).

If this fandom was ever in doubt, one need only look to a recent episode of Fox’s Glee which saw Kurt, the openly gay, effeminate, member of the show choir, exclaim upon seeing an upcoming set list, “Defying Gravity? I have an iPod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked! This is amazing!” (“Wheels”) The episode then sees Kurt distraught when he is denied permission to sing the song. He goes on to petition the choir-director to permit him to do so, despite the fact it is “traditionally sung by a girl” (“Wheels”). Glee itself openly appeals to not only young girls and women, as would be expected, but fans who identify most strongly with Kurt, particularly in recruiting both Kristin Chenoweth (“Rhodes”) and, more recently, Idina Menzel, (“Hell-O”) in recurring roles on the series. Such young men, who in the past identified with Judy/Dorothy, today identify with Idina/Elphaba and other divas, in their search for “a place where [they] belong” (Colt 155).



[1] The show is billed as “The untold story of the witches of Oz,” and tells the story of the friendship between G(a)linda the Good Witch and, Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West and how they both came to be the characters found in the 1939 film (Cote 6).

[2] The good witch’s name shifts from “Galinda” to “Glinda” through the course of the narrative. While this aspect of the musical is irrelevant to this essay, I have chosen to reflect the shift through the use of a composite.

[3] As Stacy Wolf has previously acknowledged, no entire printed libretto of Wicked exists to date. The Wicked souvenir book, Wicked: The Grimmerie, contains only the songs’ lyrics and some extent of the dialogue. Other lines, therefore, have been taken from performance. (A full list of attended performances, to date, can be found in the Works Consulted).

[4] “‘The sixth man’ is a reference to Kinsey’s findings on the incidence of homosexuality in the American male” (Dryer 140).

[5] No comparable English expression exists; it is, roughly, the sound of (feminine) orgasm.

[6] Kristin Chenoweth originated the role of G(a)linda, playing her in workshops, in the San Francisco pre-Broadway run, and on Broadway from October 2003 to June, 2004 (Laird 343).

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Works Cited

Clum, John. Something for the Boys. New York: Palgrave, 1999.

Cohan, Steven. Incongruous Entertainment: Camp, Cultural Values, and the MGM Musical. London: Duke University Press, 2005. 285-335.

Cote, David. Wicked: The Grimmerie. New York: Hyperion, 2005.

Dyer, Richard. Heavenly Bodies. 2nd ed. London: Routledge, 2004. 137-191.

Haley, Jack, dir. Wonderful Wizard of Oz: The Making of a Movie Classic. Jack Haley Jr. Productions. Turner Entertainment. 1990. DVD. Warner Home Video: 2006.

“Hell-O.” Glee. Fox. 13 April 2010.

Laird, Paul. “The creation of a Broadway musical: Stephen Schwartz, Winnie Holzman, and Wicked.” Cambridge Companion to the Musical. Ed. William Everett & Paul Laird. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 2009. 340-352.

Pugh, Tison. “‘There lived in the Land of Oz two queerly made men’: Queer Utopianism and Antisocial Eroticism in L. Frank Baum’s Oz Series.” Marvels and Tales: Journal of Fairy-Tales Studies. 22.2 (2009): 217-239.

Rhodes Not Taken, The” Glee. Fox. 30 September 2010.

Tinkcom, Matthew. “Working Like a Homosexual: Camp Visual Codes and the Labor of Gay Subjects.” Cinema Journal. 35.2 (1996): 24-42. Print.

“Wheels.” Glee. Fox. 11 Nov. 2009.

Wolf, Stacy. “‘Defying Gravity’: Queer Conventions in the Musical WickedTheatre Journal. 60. (2008): 1-21.

—. “‘We’ll Always Be Bosom Buddies’ Female Duets and the Queering of Broadway Musical Theatre.” GLQ: A Journal of Gay and Lesbian Studies. 12.3 (2006): 351-376.

—. “Wicked Divas, Musical Theatre, and Internet Girl Fans.” Camera Obscura. 22.2 (2007): 39-71.

Works Consulted

Davis, Reid. “WOZ: Lost Objects, Repeat Viewings, and the Sissy Warrior.” Film Quarterly. 55.2 (2002): 2-13.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Ana Gastyer and Kate Reinders. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 6 January 2006.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Kristy Cates and Stacie Morgain Lewis. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 20 April 2006.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Dee Roscioli and Stacie Morgain Lewis. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 17 May 2006.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Idina Menzel and Hellen Dallimore. Apollo Victoria Theatre. London. 28 October 2006.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Dee Roscioli and Kate Fahrner. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 21 January 2007. 17 August 2007. Matinee.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Dee Roscioli and Erin Mackey. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 17 August 2007. Evening.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Dee Roscioli and Kate Fahrner. Ford Center for the Performing Arts: Oriental Theatre. Chicago. 8 October 2008.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Ashleigh Gray and Dianne Pilkington. Apollo Victoria Theatre. London. 24 October 2009. Matinee.

Wicked. By Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holtzman. Dir. Joe Mantello. Music and lyrics by Stephen Schwartz. Perf. Alexia Khadime and Dianne Pilkington. Apollo Victoria Theatre. London. 24 October 2009. Evening. 26 November 2009. 3 December 2009. 9 March 2010.

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Okay, I know, at this point there is something almost cliché about a gay person talking about Matthew Shepard (and if you don’t know who I’m talking about…), but I recently finished reading Judy Shepard’s book on her son’s murder and I feel compelled to speak, if only for a moment, about it.

I’m certain many of us remember the events, in October 1998, and the media frenzy Matthew’s death created. I remember it, and I was only twelve at the time. Probably because I was twelve, and I was well aware of the truth about myself and it scared me; terrified me, made me feel, understandably, vulnerable.

I identified with this unknown boy I, or much of the world, had never met, and yet, for whom the world suddenly cared. The media made an anonymous young gay college student the unwilling martyr for hate crime. It portrayed him as this perfect angelic figure who became a victim of hate. While pieces of this portrayal are, undoubtedly, entirely true, Judy Shepard paints a different picture. She does the one thing the media was unable, or unwilling to do. She paints her son as… her son. She gives us not Matthew Shepard, the victim, but Matt Shepard, the young man she knew, her child.

She paints a life of a young person, like so many others, struggling to find his place in the world, full of hopes for his own future in a career in international relations, as he himself seems keenly gifted with interpersonal skill; she shows a man gifted in creating true friendships, with a genuine interest in those around him. Yet, along with this she shows a young man battling his own demons, after a trip away from his Swiss boarding school in Morocco saw him robbed and raped, leaving him battling depression for the rest of his life, ending his life infected with HIV, a disease he never knew he had.

Yet, mingled with his troubles we hear of macaroni and cheese eaten while riding a wooden pony while watching television when he was a child, dressing up as Dolly Parton two years running for Halloween, and an excursion in London for school clothes with his mother, among many others. (The last reverberated with me the most, understandably, as Mom and I have had a very similar experience).

Judy recounts, at several points, her growing belief, even when Matt was very young, that he would grow up to be gay, she states simply, “a mother just knows,” and a fear for his future because of it. I’m sure it’s a fear many parents of gay children have. I’m certain mine did at some point.

Repeatedly through the book Judy shares what that experience meant to her and reiterates that Matt was not her “gay son; Matt was [her] son who happened to be gay.” It’s  a valuable message to hear, and important to share. For that alone I’m passing the book on to my own mother.

One repeatedly gets the sense in reading the book that she succeeds in letting us in to who her son was, by adding touches almost too personal for inclusion, and which left me feeling slightly voyeuristic, and yet grateful for their inclusion.

In reading her description of the crime itself, one is lulled for a moment into a sense of the crime novel, of, as even she describes it, watching all the puzzle pieces come together to explain the web of events that ended Matt’s life, and yet, you are constantly reminded of the author’s position, making these descriptions all the more gut wrenching , and this book never becomes anything more, or less, than a mother telling her son’s story, as it should be. She repeatedly states that she has never permitted herself to ‘go there’ in her mind with the crime itself, and this provides an appropriate distance throughout. I caught myself watching the ‘American Justice’ chronicle of the crime this morning, with that distance stripped, showing the police photographs of both the scene and Matthew, and I wish I could have Judy’s distance back. Seeing what was done to him…

While Dennis Shepard is quoted as saying his son “did not look like a winner,” in death he attracted the attention of the nation, and the world to causes close to his heart and motivated his parents, and others to act, and continue to act, on his behalf. That, I think, makes him quite the winner in the end.  Over a decade after the crime that ended his life, I remember him. I never knew him, and yet, I remember him. In that, I am far from alone. His father has stated, Matthew has “become a symbol- a symbol against hate and people like [Aaron McKinney]; a symbol for encouraging respect for individuality; for appreciating that someone is different; for tolerance.”

In life, Matthew “wanted to make a difference. Did he? You tell me.”

For more information, visit The Matthew Shepard Foundation.